You must come for dinner!

I have seen it a few times in the past couple of years. Some people posted it on facebook. Some tweetted about it.

Articles were written about it.

It's the famous table to help us Europeans translate the most common phrases used by the Brits. 

It's not clear who came up with it. 

Some say it was commissioned by a Dutch company to help its employees understand the Brits and facilitate working relationships.

The first time I read it I found it quite funny. "Oh, yes that's true", I thought as I went through the list. "I have so heard that one before". "Yep that one too".

Most seemed to make sense.

If you hear a Brit say I'm sure it's my fault, they are clearly stating you are the one to blame. 

Us Italians would be a lot more direct. We would be pointing fingers without any hesitation!

If someone is a bit disappointed he's truly upset. 

If someone considers your proposal to be brave, then there is something clearly wrong with it.

However there is one expression that didn't quite make sense the first time I read the list. Or the second or the third time.

You must come for dinner.

What else could it possibly mean, other than they want to invite you for dinner??

This was until I experienced it directly.

I consider myself lucky to have met quite a few nice English people who I can call friends. This is not too common for someone living in such an international city.

We meet up quite frequently and the most usual place is the pub. That's where social interactions happen.

It's a bit different from our way to socialise in Italy which usually involves a meal either at a restaurant or at someone's place.

Several of these friends have, at different stages said the famous words "oh, you must come for dinner". We must have you over for a meal. We need to cook for you.

I can count at least 4 people.

And from some of them, the "invitation" came quite a few times.

Well invitation for me... Maybe in their mind they were just being polite? 

Is that so?

Hard to believe to be honest, given that I feel I know the people well enough that they do not need to be "polite".  

And I have also been invited by the same people to many other events. So it's not like they don't want to hang out. 

Nevertheless,  they can't escape from using this extreme expression of Britishness... Oh well you've got to love the Brits!

Cultural differences 4 - five a side

I must admit I didn't play football much in Italy. Surely I did a bit growing up at the beach or in parks, but never regularly. Maybe once every 2 years.

However when I moved to London I thought football would be a great way to meet people. So I started playing with some people from work and some other friends who played in an amateur league.

Things over here are a lot different from back home. Not as much in terms of how football is played, though there are some differences there too.. for instance think of the low wide goals.

 

Or the fact that in some instances people play on a pitch with no throw-ins or corner kicks.

What I'm referring to is more about what happens after the game.

At the end of a game in Italy, people go back to the changing room, take a warm shower, dry up using their bathrobes (see http://italianinlondontown.blogspot.co.uk/2014/04/bathrobe-in-changing-room.html?m=1), blow-dry their hair (see http://italianinlondontown.blogspot.co.uk/2014/05/macho-culture.html?m=1), put some gel on and they are ready to hit a pizzeria, where they would go for

pizza and a beer. 2 maybe if you want to be wild.

Over here instead, most people playing 5 a side play in low level leagues, with not many facilities, often without showers. In my case, my friends and I play at an elementary school and therefore while you can get changed in one of the toilets, you cannot shower after the game.

That is not a big concern and at the end of the game, the team would often hit the pub. Outfit? Astro trainers, shin pads, shorts and a football shirt! :) If it's a bit cold you will see people wear a jumper on top. That's about it. 

An Italian in that situation would wear long trousers, a jumper and a coat.

So, a bit sweaty and dirty you approach the nearest pub and I can assure you that nobody looks at you as you walk through. You could be wearing a toxedo, a suit or your football kit, people will not turn around.

This is the country of fancy dresses after all!

Now, if the same thing happened in Italy, at least in Rome, everyone would stare in disgust. "What are they wearing?", they would whisper in dissent. But not here.

It actually happened no longer than 3 hours ago. We walked into a pub after playing footie on a rainy May day. We were completely soaked. Shirts, shorts, socks, hair... Nevertheless, we were welcomed like any other guests and nobody seemed to notice how wet we were. That is an aspect that I'm loving more and more.

Once inside forget the pizza.. After all this is a country with a developed drinking culture and underdeveloped eating one.

Here you would have 3-4 maybe 5 pints. And what about the food? Nah, screw the food. Who needs to eat? "Eating is cheating" some people over here believe.

That is why what could be a quiet Tuesday five a side evening, often means  getting a bit tipsy and having some dodgy takeaway on the way back home, trying to walk straight.

The evening normally ends with a tube trip back home, wearing the same football outfit... Needless to say that you would never see anyone on the tube in Rome wearing a football outfit. But hey, this is London!

Cultural differences 3 - Macho culture

One thing I have noticed throughout my stay in the UK is the predominant macho culture.

So many times have I found myself doing or saying something which over here is interpreted as "so European" or, from the less politically correct "so gay"...

A few random examples? I remember when I asked my colleagues where they plugged their hair driers since there were no sockets in the bathroom of the flat where I was staying when I first moved here (and it's apparently the same in all houses in the UK).

They all looked at me in shock, both guys and girls, and asked why the hell would a guy need to use a hair drier in the first place. When I tried to point out that it was winter time and a bit cold and wanted to avoid getting sick their reaction was even worse. Why would I think that? Bloody southern European! :)

Men are different over here than they are back home. Men don't go shopping. Or at least if they do it, they don't enjoy it. Or that's what they try to tell people :)

Buying clothes is something that ladies enjoy. Men just rush into a shop as quickly as possible and this only happens if you really need to buy something. 

If you have a girlfriend, chances are that she might be the one buying clothes for you. Otherwise maybe you can buy things online.

This is completely different from back home, where growing up it was completely normal to phone up a friend, and ask whether they would be interested in meeting up to go do some shopping together.

"I need to get some new jeans, if you are not busy would you like to come with me?". "Sure, I need to see some shoes too", would be a normal conversation.

And we are talking about perfectly hetero individuals (not that I have anything against homosexuals, in the least!).

Whenever I share these stories with people over here, they are not impressed. The most common comment is: "that's so gay".

An Italian friend of mine who lived in London for many years used to say that if you go out shopping in London you see: 1) ladies 2) some tourists 3) gay men.

No trace of heteros! They are probably all in the pub drinking beer and watching football :)

This fear to be taken as "gay" expands onto other aspects.

You take too much care of your self? That's gay.

I have had arguments with British men who insisted that going to a spa is gay. They would never let anyone massage them. They would not enjoy it, they say. Seriously? I just can't understand that point of view as I love going for a massage (though I admit that having a male masseur would put me off a tiny bit). 

Even the way men interact with one another is different.

When two men greet one another in Rome they would shake hands and then kiss on the cheek (it might be different in other parts of the country). That's a normal way to greet a friend when you meet them and as you are saying goodbye. Over here a handshake is more than enough.

I have once almost greeted someone over here "the roman way" and you can imagine their expression of fear :)

The funny thing is that I am starting to get accustomed to the very little physical interaction between men and when I go back home I am not a big fan of the roman way of greeting a friend anymore. I might still do it but it just feels weird.

Oh boy, am I slowly changing and  becoming more and more British every day?